EP Read Along Week 18 Chapters 51-53

EP Read Along Week 18 Chapters 51-53

Ciao tutti mia bella ragazza! I hope you are all enjoying summer so far. I remember last summer and the memory that lingers still is that of reading EP for the first time during hot and hazy days. This story just made them even steamier. So here’s hoping your reading keeps your body temperature hot no matter what it’s like outside.
This first chapter is going to be a long review, but it needs to be. The other two will be shorter and sweeter. Tell me what you think, let it all out like Edward, just don’t smash any mirrors!

Chapter 51 EPOV

Of the three chapters this week, this one was the most significant. Edward’s been hit with another “thunder bolt” and this one is not the love at first sight kind. All of sudden everything is crystal clear. He knows the answer as to who or what got his mother shot, it was Isabella. He’s so confused and angry he locks himself away in his room because he doesn’t trust himself to not let loose and we all know how dangerous Edward can be when he gets angry. He’s feeling so many emotions:”horror, shock, love, longing, gratitude, anger, disgust, awe, remorse, contempt, and hatred.” and he doesn’t know who to blame it on. He’s mad at his mother, but wonders how he could be when he’s doing the same thing she is, sacrificing to protect Bella. He shifts blame to Carlisle, but realizes that he too has been trying to protect them all, failing and feeling helpless and guilty for not doing enough. The worse blame goes to Bella, he’s disgusted that instinctively he feels she’s to blame for all the years he’s spent broken. He now feels like being with Bella is tainting his mother’s memory, it’s as if he’s been sleeping with the enemy.

He feels so out of control, asking what kind of God would shatter his world to begin with by killing his mother and now to have the one person to have put him back together be the one that caused him to be the closed broken person he is. Edward talks himself down from hating Bella, he knows she was just a child with no free will, and he feels sick for shifting the blame on to her. He realizes his mother knew what she was doing, she knew  his father’s lifestyle could get her killed, yet needed to save this little lost girl anyway. And so he’s back to blaming Carlisle’s lifestyle as what killed his mother. He feels he’s to blame for them living with violence, hate, bloodshed. “If he hadn’t joined the fucking mafia she’d still be alive today.” But she knew what she was marrying into and he wonders how she and Esme could stay with husbands and love them knowing they killed people. It’s funny, I asked Khar about this, I had wanted her to release Edward from that life so he could be happy. What she replied back to me made me cry and of course she was right. She said that everyone of them, everyone of us, makes choices, freely, even Bella, and it’s about finding happiness even within a not so nice place because you want to, need to. And so Edward is on his way to learning this lesson and doesn’t he just do the same dam thing. He claims he will never do what his father did, put Isabella in the position his mother was in, no way he would end up like his father. You believe him?

He’s so overpowered with these emotions, he wants to hurt someone. Sound familiar?

He looks through his stash of drugs, Grey Goose, looking for something to numb his pain. Yeah, Edward is raw and his usual way to deal is not to deal and just wants to check out for awhile.

He notices his mother’s picture, broken and splattered with Bella’s blood and thinks maybe his father was right, he didn’t see his mother clearly, he really didn’t know her at all. He remembers Bella again and how she’s been paying for something she never had control over, just like him. There’s this old song, Wild Fire that describe that beautifully

Edward looks in the mirror and sees his mother’s features reflected back at him and he loses it. He punches the mirror again and again until he realizes he’s damaged his fist. This scene is so filled with his anguish, the reader really goes there with Edward as he just lets all the pain out and cries years of repressed grief. He doesn’t care anymore about appearances or pushing people away, hurting people because he was hurting and he didn’t care about revenge or blame at the moment, none of that would bring back his mother or make this situation go away.

He starts to feel badly for not thinking of Isabella, he’s so wrapped up in himself, he knows he needs to get his act together before he can deal with her.

Edward goes in to his father, sees him on computer and now second guesses whether Emmett changing the GPS codes was a good idea after all. You think?

Carlisle tells him he didn’t want to tell him because he felt it would be cruel to ruin his happy. He starts telling his son how Elizabeth asked him to save Bella. He called Charles Sr but he refused to sell her. He thought his wife would drop it once she realized how dangerous it would be for her to try. She seemed obsessed, started taking money from the account, much like you’re doing, he tells Edward. He figured she was just helping someone, he trusted her. Edward is surprised how similar their stories are. He’s being just as reckless as his mother had been. He shares with Edward how the Borgata keep records and DNA samples of every inducted member. The night Carlisle was going to confront Elizabeth about how deeply she was delving into this secret, was the night she was killed. He wasn’t in time. Edward realizes now that his father is afraid that if Edward keeps searching about Bella’s lineage he could get himself killed too and that’s what Carlisle has been trying to get him to stop doing. Edward asks if his mother ever found out about who Bella really was, Carlisle thinks not, they killed her because they were afraid she would find out. Charles just didn’t want anyone to know where they had gotten Isabella’s mother from. It was never about Bella it was about her mother. Edward says “Of course it’s not her fault...no more than mine..we couldn’t help what you fucking adults did that got us wrapped up in this bullshit.” Carlisle admits he used Bella as a pazzo a pushover, someone easy to victimized. Just like Edward, Carlisle said it hurt that his wife loved someone else so much that she’d risk everything for them, same feelings Edward is struggling with. He admits it’s not rational to feel like that. He says he’s come to grips with those emotions, most of the time, that’s why he thought it was safe to bring Bella there.

He tells him that Charles Sr was probably afraid Elizabeth would find out and in his world it’s kill or be killed and Edward says I’m done with your world. Carlisle looks at Edward’s hand and determines he’s messed it up and needs a cast, he also tells him he drinks too much. How about the drugs Carlisle that you so readily have available for your teen son too?

At one point Edward remembers his mother’s saying “In life, nothing ventured, nothing gained.” and concludes that’s why she went out on a limb to save Bella, even though she could have just lived a fairly easy life, she felt the risk was worth it to save this little girl. There’s more to why Elizabeth wants to help Bella, more on that later... And that’s just how he feels about Bella she’s worth the sacrifice.

He tells his father he doesn’t want Bella to know that his mother died because of her, given what she knows about Edward’s pain, she would feel awful. Do you think they give Bella enough credit? Edward thinks that for once father and son finally understand each other.

Although Edward needs some time alone, to think, when he hears Bella whimpering in her sleep he instinctually shuts off his anger toward her. Watching her sleeping he feels  his chest start to hurt again and he compares it to the mirror shattering in a million pieces caving under the pressure. He felt like he was breaking apart like that mirror. He thinks that his mother wasn’t selfish at all, she was selfless and here that poor girl still needs saving and he’s just thinking about himself, his pain. He decides that no one will every hurt her, he’s going to protect her not only because he loves her so much but because his mother did too. He wasn’t going to let his mother’s death be in vain. He wasn’t sleeping with the enemy like he first felt, he was “finding a safe haven with the innocent.” He’s determined more than ever, no matter what cost, to free her. He gets in bed with her feels he’s home, she’s his happiness and no matter how hard it will be to overcome all this pain, she is worth it. They’d lost enough in life, he loved her, they both deserved to be happy together. He vowed to be there for her till he took his last breath.

While holding on to Isabella and she just letting him be, Edward drifts into a dream, he remembers little Bella, him asking her if she wants a kiss and she kisses him and like most  little boys he’s grossed out because he was offering her a chocolate kiss. He remembers her kissing him, offering her chocolate, his mother calling her Bella and he sees the love between the two of them. He just felt it was all just meant to be. He’s going to try hard at keeping his anger away from her, he knew he had to protect her, even if it was from him.

Chapter 52 BPOV

Bella at this point is left wondering why Edward had a such a melt down resulting in him breaking his wrist and fingers. He’s been miserable ever since and can’t drive his stick shift shiny volvo, He loves that car. Anyway she’s rather surprised to find that they go out and buy another car, a convertible Audi that looks like his volvo. He gets insulted that she can’t see the difference. boys and their toys. They bought it for Bella, it was Carlisle’s idea, She starts to panic at the thought of driving and doing the marketing on her own. She’s overwhelmed that they’d give her such freedom, she’s both afraid yet excited. Carlisle gives her a credit card and she’s expected to start being independent. She’s scared and even had a panic attack the first time out alone, and Edward had to talk her down from it. After she accomplishes it, she feels pretty proud of herself.

 It’s been four weeks since Edward’s melt down and she’s confused by his up and down behavior toward her. Obviously it’s Edward trying to work through his anger and pain.

 She senses that something is wrong, something she’s missing but she doesn’t know what that is. She’s trying to help Edward through this and she’s knows he’s feeling happiness but with some sadness attached to it.

Edward informs Bella that she needs to go buy a dress for Prom. She’s got mixed feelings about going to Prom. She doesn’t know how to dance and she’s afraid she will embarrass them both.

She goes to Alice’s and along with Rosalie they get ready.They tell her how much this means, him taking her in public and everyone being envious of her.

 Edward has been trying to get Bella to step out of her comfort zone and asks her to stop by the market to buy some Coke for him. While there she meets Jacob. Don’t you always sense doom and gloom whenever Jacob appears? He’s really interested in Bella and she’s as confused as we are as to why. She doesn’t trust him, because of the history he’s had with Edward.

How did you like that greeting Edward gave her when she returned from picking up what he asked for “What fucking took you so long?” Yeah, Edward is having those mood swings giving poor Bella whip lash. And so she doesn’t tell him about meeting Jacob. Think this was a good idea?

So, were you like me and pictured Twilight Edward at Prom, with the black suit, laid back and then of course his Nike’s that matched the outfit? Ironic, right, that in this Prom  scene, it’s Edward with a cast on, while in Twilight it’s Bella.  Ahhh, shucks didn’t you just melt when he grabbed Bella’s wrist to tell her.”La mia bella ragazza...You are breathtaking.” He hasn’t been intimate much since his melt down and Bella’s a little hurt by this. I’m wondering if seeing her all breathtaking will change his hormonal self...

   Prom

This is a little video I put together so you could listen to the song Edward requests at Prom. The first part of the video has 18th Floor but as Edward said, that song was only for their private use and doesn't request that for the dance. Watch it all as the song comes later in the gazebo scene. Please excuse my FIRST attempt at this!

How about that necklace? Charms, and gold two of my favorite things!  And then Emmett teases Izzy Bizzy, his little sis about how beautiful she looks.

Edward’s pretty up tight about going to this Prom. And how about drinking and driving? There’s something up with Edward tonight, and he’s taking it out on Bella.

 Rosalie and Edward start going at it in the restaurant and Emmett has to call Edward out on his ass for the way he’s been behaving. Edward doesn’t realize he’s been acting like “the old” him and Emmett says he doesn’t want to see the Pre-Bella Edward again. He warns Edward not to hurt Bella and reminds him that Bella deserves better than the way he’s been treating her lately.

Edward apologizes to Bella after Emmett’s talking down, he asks if they could start over and he says he knows he doesn’t always act the way he should but that he’s so thankful she’s in his life. How about Alice giving it to Edward for wearing Nike’s to prom as it is disrespecting Bella? But that’s not his intention, he just loves his Nike’s and Bella totally likes his Nike’s too

So Bella gets to experience a normal right of passage, Prom. She’s mesmerized by how  pretty the room is and how everyone seems to look up to Edward. How about that dance? Bella in front and Edward swaying her. Rosalie had been right when she told Bella that tonight was special, tonight Edward was “coming out” showing he in fact was a taken man. Bella was the love of his life and he wanted everyone to know it. Then there’s the incident when the skanky Lauren and Tanya. It must of hurt to hear them say she was just a live in whore that any teenage boy would love. Then Bella gets real pissed, remembering she doesn’t have to put up with being spoken to like that anymore, when Tanya goes to smack her and Jacob comes to her rescue. I liked the “Whoa, Laila Ali, ..watch where you’re swinging that thing.” and Bella knows who she is but the other skanks don’t. Then Tanya rips the necklace off Bella and  Rosalie steps in, love badass Rosalie! No one messes with Her Family, or she’ll “cut a bitch!” Jacob tells Bella he knows about her being a slave, he also knows that he can’t help her without losing his own life, but that he doesn’t believe Edward loves her, he thinks she’s being taken advantage of, he tells Bella he knows all of Edward’s tricks to make a girl fall for him. Jacob seems to really care, he thinks she’s in need of a friend. When Edward finds out what Tanya did, he says he won’t lay a finger on her but she will pay for what she did to Bella.

Did you like Edward’s little James Bond car sex? Yeah, I think renting that Vanquish helped Edward fulfill his fantasy of getting Bella off while driving. Playful Edward is hot, yes? He gets her home and “does her right,” instead of fast and quick like all the other teens.

Well he does manage to do her right, he says he’s sorry that he’s been holding back, and to not take it personal, and to please not give up on him. This line did me in, “I know I’m a pain in the ass but I need you to keep me afloat. You’re the only good thing I’ve got.” Bella decides she should come clean too, she thinks she’s been holding back as well and just wants to be honest. She tells him that, “Jacob Black knows.” Dum, de dum dum....

Chapter 53 EPOV

Edward feels like a complete failure. He feels like such a fuck up, can’t focus on school, and treating Bella horribly. Everyone talks to Edward and like short stuff, tells him, “Fix it.”

Edward’s POV is always interesting.  He explains how he couldn’t keep his hands off Bella on the ride home and the old Edward would have just pulled over and taken her on the hood of the car, but the new man that loved her needed to take her home in the “sanctuary of our room and do right by her.” I love that room. Don’t you wish you had an Edward at home with you when you were their age? Nice, right?

Back to Edward, he wanted to show her his passion, remind her of the real him and makes love to his Isabella, slow, hard and so Edward good....

And then he had to deal with the Jacob reveal. He goes ape shit, telling Bella not to trust him, and he’s so upset to find out how many times she’s talked to him already. He can’t believe she’s hidden that from him but he’s been hiding his own secrets too.

Edward tells Bella she can’t be friends with Jacob, that he’s just trying to use her to get back at Edward. I don’t know about you, but I didn’t know who was right here. I think that Khar wanted the reader to question if Edward was seeing Jacob clearly and vice versa. Who did you believe at this point?

Carlisle keeps offering to separate B/E but Edward is adamant that , “I wasn’t fucking walking away from her, I may have withdrawn emotionally a bit ...There is no way I’d survive a physical separation, the emotional one was fucking with me enough.” Hummmm......aim arrow right at my heart.

I loved the part where Carlisle notices that Edward calls Isabella, Bella. He mentions that Elizabeth called her Bella bambina and Edward says La mia bella ragazza and Carlisle is in awe at how alike Edward and Elizabeth are. Edward likes the idea that he’s taking after his mother again, thinking he’d lost that part of himself when she died.

Another arrow to my heart was when Emmett says, if there ever comes a day when you don’t love Izzy Bizzy and you need to leave her for any reason, come to me and Jasper and we’ll find a way to help her, and he reminds him that if he hurts her, he’d hurt Edward. Love that big bear! Edward was happy that Bella had people like that who loved her.

Edward bumps into Bella and notices she has on his PJ’s and he says that she looks sexy in his clothes, but how about we go back in the room and take all of them back off...told you, I love Edward and that room! And how cute the rant about mixed signals, tesoro...”Is that a “fuck off or a fuck me?” When he asks her if she wants to spend the day in bed and she says no, but means yes and sweet little Bella whispers “Fuck me,” which gets Edward’s vulgar hormonal side ready to go and he does her right once again....and when he whispers in Italian his deep feelings for her, well, you know how that felt.

After they make love, Edward looks at her scarred back and thinks she is beautiful and strong because of how she got them and he vows to make her life better. How about when he traces the word FREE on her body with his finger?

His revengeful plan for Tanya and Lauren is perfect. He wanted pay back for hurting his bella ragazza. Priceless how he has Ben set up the slide show of the girls going down on each other for the whole school to see. Yeah, I agree with Edward, “What goes around comes around. Payback is a bitch.”

So everyone tell me what you thought. Did you hate/love Edward? Carlisle? Jacob?

Next week is Chapters 54-56. Happy McSteamy EP summer reading!

Sempre,

Fran